Column: Getting to grips with plumbing as a woman, and banishing a bogeyman

I am standing on the shower tray, screwdriver in hand. My newfound skills have given me the confidence to get to grips with fixing my shower.

I have worked out the problem and how to resolve it. The replacement part has arrived. I’ve switched off the water mains, found the relevant switch on the fuse board and shut it off. I am so ready for this. 

Four sessions of six in a local Plumbing For Women class have been completed. I have already carried out a number of repairs to the plumbing system in the house, and gained a greater understanding of how it all works.

To say that I am feeling a growing sense of empowerment would be a huge understatement. 

And yet, standing in that shower, I am feeling utterly deflated and entirely defeated - by a very small and stubborn screw that refuses to budge. 

Four different screwdrivers, including a powered one, and the bothersome screw is still not moving. I know that if I keep trying, I will wear away the grooves. But I can’t let it go.

And then I remember the advice of our class tutor Gary McLaughlin - if it’s not working, step back and count to ten. 

Even the act of simply stepping out of the shower space is calming; moving from a small enclosed corner  into a bright bathroom brings a shift in perspective.

Only moments earlier, I had been berating myself for not buying WD-40 before starting this job. But a quick Google search is telling me that oil would not be a good idea so it’s just as well there is none  in the house.

Vinegar and a toothpick is the internet advice that looks most appropriate - or vinegar and a tiny precision screwdriver, which is what I happen to have to hand.

After letting the screw soak for no more than a minute and then picking away any dirt and grime, I try again. This time, as if mocking all my previous effort and frustration, the screw loosens as easily as can be. 

I feel mightily relieved. To have had to call in help to get a screw out so that I could remove the shower cover would at best have been embarrassing, at worst, it would have totally undermined any sense of achievement for carrying out this repair.

A little over eight years of widowhood has taught me an awful lot about myself. There is nowhere to hide. You learn to dig deep, to find strength anywhere you can to get by. But it also exposes your weaknesses, your knowledge gaps - particularly in regard to   ‘about the house’ stuff. 

And you learn a lot about how we all contribute to perceptions of gender roles. 

Finding myself as the only adult in the house and realising how many of the ‘man’s jobs’ were beyond my ability and experience rocked my sense of being a capable, independent woman.

You also learn that (some) tradesmen respond very differently to a woman on her own than they do to a house with a man in it. I have lost count of the  times I was promised that someone would come to do a job at the house and never turned up. My husband Eamon would simply have demanded their attention, and he would have got it. 

When you are trying to keep your head above water while swimming blindly in a sea of grief, these experiences can take on a disproportionate intensity. Sometimes they are a welcome focus for your anger or pain, other days they make you feel like you are never going to be able to cope with managing a house and raising a family on your own. 

Courses such as Plumbing For Women run by Women’s Collective Ireland - Donegal do so much more than teach you new skills. They remove your reliance on other people, they give you confidence to understand and tackle new challenges, allow you to stand up to anyone  - including yourself - and say, ‘do not judge my ability based on my gender.’

Over the last few weeks, a hot tap in my en suite bathroom which for years only had a tiny dribble of water has been restored to full flow.  Seven years of a dripping overflow pipe above my back door are an end. A shower which stopped working during Storm Isha has been replaced, another shower repaired. My task this weekend is to remove and replace old silicone seals.

These might seem like small things, but to be able to fix them myself after being let down so many times has been like banishing a bogeyman who has been hanging around for far too long.

Danielle in the Women’s Collective office and Gary who teaches the course have devised and delivered something truly empowering. 

It has been a privilege to develop these new skills along with an amazing bunch of women. I would say extraordinary, but I don’t think they will be offended if I say we are in fact a fairly ordinary bunch who could be found in any cross section of  society. What elevates it to something  special  is how we help each other to learn, to understand, to confidently take on tasks and to share our experiences so that we can all gain from them. And it is also  about how we encourage each other to have faith in our collective abilities.

This Plumbing For Women course  epitomises International Women’s Day and all it stands for. And it has  been a lot of fun too.